I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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