Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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