im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
