Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
