Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
