I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
