haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
