it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
