Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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