there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
