so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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