I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
