Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize