I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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