you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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