NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just found a bag of teeth...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
