Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I cut my penus on the lid.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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