Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
