I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
