just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
