we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
