I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
