The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you will always have a special place in my vag
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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