so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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