Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize