this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
