i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
