If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
