your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
