I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
