ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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