Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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