So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
