He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
