The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
