halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the day after is always just damage control
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
