kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
