I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Randomize
