just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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