ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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