I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
