After last night, I could never be a politician.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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