Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
