Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
