he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
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