I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize