I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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