sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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