I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
