There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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