Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
