If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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