the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Found the puke drawer
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
