maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
