I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
