I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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