my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
