I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
