so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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