if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
