Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
