I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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