I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize