all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
