I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
