just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
