I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
