I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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