You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you have to choose: penises or morals?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Randomize
