More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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