Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
