I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
