I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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