he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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